4 Tips to Answer “How Can I get my Partner Organized?”

Start with YOU First

Before you begin trying to tackle anyone else’s clutter, focus on your own clutter first. It is a lot easier to notice someone else’s clutter and to help them get organized because often times their items don’t have the same amount of emotion tied with them.

This is why we tend to jump to “helping” others before we clear our own clutter. Don’t fall into this trap!

A good place to start your own organizing journey is with our 10 Minutes for 10 Days Challenge.

Let others get the benefits of watching you get organized to prove to them that organizing (even in small increments) is worth it! 

Find the Compromise

If you long for a perfectly organized home but it is a constant fight, it’s time to get past the arguments to find the common ground. What are your top one or two organizing priorities? Which areas are most important to you and why?

Have a family meeting to discuss why we want to keep the kitchen island clear or why we are keeping our shoes in one spot. Once you’ve decided on the priorities it is time to let the other areas go for now. Family peace over organization is my new motto.

Focus on the Positive

Have you ever gotten so caught up with what is wrong you forgot to notice what is going right? Yeah, me too!

It’s easy to get caught up in comparing our home to images on Instagram and Pinterest. When your own home isn’t in the state you want, we can get resentful and frustrated with the clutter and the person responsible for the clutter.

Decide to focus on the positive side of your partner. Yes, they might be disorganized but what do you love about them?

It is no fun to be nagged all the time, so decide to stop. Plus nagging hasn’t worked so far, so why are you continuing!

Create a Space for Disorganization 

Stop trying to dictate to some else that their space needs to be organized and clutter free. Focus instead on the things you can control and give them their own space/ limit. This tip goes along with the tip to find a compromise.

Along with deciding on the spaces that will stay clear of clutter, decide on an area that can be disorganized. The area can be a room like an office or garage, or you can contain the clutter into bins or a closet, etc.

Remember that people have different tolerance levels for clutter. What may feel disorganized to you can feel perfectly organized for someone else. The goal is to let go of that space that can remain “disorganized.” Hopefully, you can close the door and hide it or use a bin to contain it.

In the episode we talked about how Bethany works at her kitchen island and often spreads out items she’s working on. When she’s done, she has promised to corral her items and put them on her desk and away from their central eating area.

She doesn’t have to worry about her items looking neat on the desk or sorting them first. She can stack the items up and have them ready for her next work session.

Keeping clutter off the counter and limited to the desk area has been a compromise that’s worked for her and her husband. 

How do you get your kids organized?

We got an email from a listener, Julie, asking us for some help:

Can you point me in the right direction as far as getting the whole family on board to regularly declutter I would be eternally grateful.

 My kids never let me throw anything away so I feel like I’m going behind their back when I do. 

When I asked my daughter (almost 12) to sort through some papers (I’ve been sorting through mountains of them in the basement – she’s a prolific crafter), she said “I have better things to do with my time.” Like I don’t. Argh!

I can totally understand Julie’s frustration with her daughter; especially since I have a 12 year old too! Unlike with a spouse, you do have a few more options to help your kids learn how to be more organized. 

Organization is a skill that can be taught

It is encouraging to remember that organizing and decluttering is a skill that can be learned. Take the long view approach that you are teaching skills that can go with your kids into adulthood.

Clutter is overwhelming (for kids too!)

If you have ever felt overwhelmed by a pile of “stuff” you better believe it is overwhelming to a child too, even if it is an older child. Kids have a hard time knowing where to start with a messy room let alone a cluttered, messy room. We have to walk them through the steps slowly AND repeatedly.

Focus on Instilling Habits for the long term

Start with focusing on a few foundational, organizing habits. Clutter will come and go but if these habits are taught, clutter will be handled much easier.

• Putting things away after using them.
• Staying on top of daily chores like dishes, making the bed, and straighten the bathroom. Check out our interview with Clean Mama, Ep 86.
• Making decisions about what the next step on the item is. For example, What is the next thing you need to do with this paper?
  • We go in depth on decision making with kids paper in Ep 5. We even have a decision tree to help lead you through this process. 

Now that we have some of the fundamentals covered to help you get organized with your kids, let’s get back to Julie’s question above. How can she get her older daughter to help her go through craft papers?

Talk about the why

Especially with older children, you want to start with the why. Why are you going through this clutter? and Why now?

Think about and share a why that will connect with your child or let your child come up with a why. 

Most likely to a child, a pile of stuff is not a big deal to them. So coming up with a reason why you’re doing this can help you get them to buy in to the organizing.

Maybe it’s to make sure items they care about don’t get damaged, or selecting items to display and share, find the why before you dive into the stuff.

Baby steps

For sorting through crafts and papers with Julie’s daughter, I would recommend she ask her daughter to sort through papers each day for 10 minutes only. They can set the timer and work together, and then her daughter knows she doesn’t have to go through papers all day.

You can even preface it with, “Let’s start a keepsake box for you that you are able to show to your own kids when you grow up.” 

In Episode 89, we talked about asking why you are keeping certain sentimental items. You can use a version of this same strategy with your older kids?

1. 1. Do you want to display these to enjoy the memory, (a bulletin board for art projects or a shelf for trophies)
   2. Was it a fun memory you want to remember?
   3. Is it something you want to use in the future?
   4. Do you want to save it so you can see it when you’re older or when you have kids?

Kids, like adults, may not have the answers to these questions right away, but it’s a good exercise to practice thinking through why they are holding on to each item. 

Make 3 piles: keep, toss, and display. Set the timer for 10 minutes and be strict that when the timer goes off, you are done for the day.

Focus on the positive

After 10 minutes or organizing with your child, focus on the positive!

For instance, point out:

•  How much you were able to go through.
•  It didn’t take that long!
•  You found hidden gems that you can now display. 

Then state you will be working for 10 minutes tomorrow. 

Set limits with space or containers

Most of the time our homes help us set limits, we only have so much space, but be sure emphasis this point with your children.

For example, “We have this amount of space set aside for craft stuff.” This forces them to really pick out the items that matter most, another good skill to develop and take with them into adulthood!

You are a teacher!

Remember you are teaching a new skill to your children and just like learning any new skill, it is messy and sometimes slow. Don’t expect your children to have decluttering down after just a few experiences. It takes time and practice.